Run The Dishwasher Twice: A lesson in giving yourself grace, and challenging your self- imposed rules

“When I was at one of my lowest mental points in life, everything felt hard. I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. My therapist asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

‘What are you struggling with?’ she asked.

I said ‘I don't know, just life.’

Not satisfied with my answer, she said ‘No, what exactly are you worried about? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?’

I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound.

But I didn’t.

So I told her, ‘Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.’

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with actual problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?

But she nodded in understanding and then said:

‘Run the dishwasher twice.’

I began to tell her that you’re not supposed to, but she stopped me.

‘Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.’

It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my dishes into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

The next day, I took a two minute shower.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them away wherever the they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I take longer showers. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson: Run the dishwasher twice.”

Why is this important?

When mental health is heavy, even the most basic things can feel overwhelming. And as if things weren't heavy enough, sometimes you can make things feel heavier by putting pressure on yourself to perform as if your were at your best.

But you don't need to. Instead, you need to offer yourself grace, and adjust the daily 'rules' you set for yourself.

Adjusting expectations and arbitrary rules about how something works is incredibly freeing and can provide a seemingly temporary fix for a seemingly insurmountable problem. Oddly enough, though, that temporary fix can be the necessary bridge that gets someone from unable-to-cope-with-daily-life-things to functioning on a somewhat normal level.

Mental health can be such a tricky thing to manage, and many of the tools for managing it aren't the typical 'coping skills' that you would expect.

That’s what therapy is for—to help you step outside the box of your own thinking. To adjust your thoughts and behaviors to create greater possibilities for yourself, and give you permission to challenge the unhelpful voices in your mind that try to keep us locked in unhealthy patterns.

On the days that you need to give yourself grace- run the dishwasher twice.

[Original Post narrative: Danielle Wunker, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor, shared a story on her Facebook page that is resonating with people who struggle with mental health issues. }